eiraena
07-18-2002, 11:10 PM
ok, until about five minutes ago, evrything was fine, or at least i was doing a really good job of ignoring all my multitude of problems, i.e. the kids and the nightmares i keep having about Satan putting Jack in the hospital, and now the big problem w/ my mom and my exploding car.
the long and short of my family history: daddy dearest beat the shit out of me until i was sixteen, at which point he figured out that he could just blame it all on my mental problems and try to get me committed, and at that point my mom picked up with the driving me off the edge every single nite system so i'd try to off myself. she thinks i'm the anti-christ cuz i pissed off everyone at our church, and i dont cry at funerals and i read fortunes really well in every manner possible.
part two of the story: i have been living with dj's family since my parents threw me out in january, four months after the place i was renting on my own got raided by the cops. they helped me get a drivers liscense and a car, and finish highschool, and enroll in college. so it was all good until after graduation, when my mum decided she wanted to re-bond with me.
now, my original plan was to never speak to any of my immediate family members again, cuz i hate my parents and my sisters are just pawns on my mum's side. all my life, my mum has tried to control me by using $ issues against me, i.e. insurance and telling me i could nevr make rent...well i took care of it all, but it all got messed up because of my roommates...
my mother hates dj's mum wit hthe most vehement passion, cuz i like her better...now, made the mistake, against the advice of dj's mum, of initiating contact w/ my half-ass family. it all went great for two months, until last saturday.
i have been applying for loans for college...my mum works at the college too, which is somewhat relevent. anyhow, like three weeks ago my car nearly exploded on the highway and it got towed to my parents' house cuz it was closest. it's been there since, while we waited for my uncle to look at it.
he looked at it, and its never gonna move again. but that was ok with my dad until i told him i was going on vacation with my cousin the day after my uncle looked at it, and that my dad had to take out the cd player for me. but that wasnt too big a problem either.
the clincher was my loan papers. my mum wanted to see them, and even though my gut told me not to let her, cuz its $ and none of her damn business, i brought them over to the house the morning i was supposed to leave.
now i figured that since she was being all i-want-to-be-involved-in-your-life-again, that it would be no problem that when she looked at the papers i had signed, she could seal the envelope and mail it. not the most difficult request in the world, eh? but oh no! she threw the biggerst shit fit i have seen in months about how she felt that SHE was being taken advantage of and used! i mean, what the fuck? my neighbors would have gladly mailed that stuff for me, and she's the one who has pissed and moaned about wanting to see it forever.
so i said, fine, i'll mail it and expected her to shut up, cuz that was the problem, right? but oh, no, she went on to tell me what a horrible ungrateful child i was (for what, being smashed repeatedly into walls for most of my childhood, and drugged up unnecessarily?), and how i hurt her cuz i call dj's house home (well, thats where i sleep and feel safe, isnt it?) and blah blah blah, the usual torrent of b.s.
so all i told her, very explicitly, was to fuck off and die. cuz that would be the best thing for me, if she's still just trying to fuck me over.
so she ran to tell my dad, who i have been getting along with now, cuz he is actually taking his meds, unlike my mum who thinks everyone else causes her problems, and he came in and yelled at me, but not too bad, cuz i walked out the door and told them i wouldnt be home for two weeks.
well, i am home now, but they dont know it. but i am upset, because before i got into the row with my mum, my dad told me he'd give me $300 towards a new car, and i have to have a car by sept or i'll lose my job. and i'm afraid my mum will have my car towed w/ the cd player in it, just to be a bitch.
but i dont want to apologize and grovel cuz i dont think i'm wrong. my mother is an evil, spiteful bitch who is a control freak and i cant deal with that any longer. but i did enjoy seeing my sisters again, even though they are fair weather friends.
so i am all upset...my mum always gets to me, even though i know she is just evil...i want to kill myself everytime this happens, and that's what she wants cuz she is a classic case of muenchausen sydrome, but it doesnt matter that i know that.
i am just confused as to what to do...any advice would be appreciatied.
:x :x
the long and short of my family history: daddy dearest beat the shit out of me until i was sixteen, at which point he figured out that he could just blame it all on my mental problems and try to get me committed, and at that point my mom picked up with the driving me off the edge every single nite system so i'd try to off myself. she thinks i'm the anti-christ cuz i pissed off everyone at our church, and i dont cry at funerals and i read fortunes really well in every manner possible.
part two of the story: i have been living with dj's family since my parents threw me out in january, four months after the place i was renting on my own got raided by the cops. they helped me get a drivers liscense and a car, and finish highschool, and enroll in college. so it was all good until after graduation, when my mum decided she wanted to re-bond with me.
now, my original plan was to never speak to any of my immediate family members again, cuz i hate my parents and my sisters are just pawns on my mum's side. all my life, my mum has tried to control me by using $ issues against me, i.e. insurance and telling me i could nevr make rent...well i took care of it all, but it all got messed up because of my roommates...
my mother hates dj's mum wit hthe most vehement passion, cuz i like her better...now, made the mistake, against the advice of dj's mum, of initiating contact w/ my half-ass family. it all went great for two months, until last saturday.
i have been applying for loans for college...my mum works at the college too, which is somewhat relevent. anyhow, like three weeks ago my car nearly exploded on the highway and it got towed to my parents' house cuz it was closest. it's been there since, while we waited for my uncle to look at it.
he looked at it, and its never gonna move again. but that was ok with my dad until i told him i was going on vacation with my cousin the day after my uncle looked at it, and that my dad had to take out the cd player for me. but that wasnt too big a problem either.
the clincher was my loan papers. my mum wanted to see them, and even though my gut told me not to let her, cuz its $ and none of her damn business, i brought them over to the house the morning i was supposed to leave.
now i figured that since she was being all i-want-to-be-involved-in-your-life-again, that it would be no problem that when she looked at the papers i had signed, she could seal the envelope and mail it. not the most difficult request in the world, eh? but oh no! she threw the biggerst shit fit i have seen in months about how she felt that SHE was being taken advantage of and used! i mean, what the fuck? my neighbors would have gladly mailed that stuff for me, and she's the one who has pissed and moaned about wanting to see it forever.
so i said, fine, i'll mail it and expected her to shut up, cuz that was the problem, right? but oh, no, she went on to tell me what a horrible ungrateful child i was (for what, being smashed repeatedly into walls for most of my childhood, and drugged up unnecessarily?), and how i hurt her cuz i call dj's house home (well, thats where i sleep and feel safe, isnt it?) and blah blah blah, the usual torrent of b.s.
so all i told her, very explicitly, was to fuck off and die. cuz that would be the best thing for me, if she's still just trying to fuck me over.
so she ran to tell my dad, who i have been getting along with now, cuz he is actually taking his meds, unlike my mum who thinks everyone else causes her problems, and he came in and yelled at me, but not too bad, cuz i walked out the door and told them i wouldnt be home for two weeks.
well, i am home now, but they dont know it. but i am upset, because before i got into the row with my mum, my dad told me he'd give me $300 towards a new car, and i have to have a car by sept or i'll lose my job. and i'm afraid my mum will have my car towed w/ the cd player in it, just to be a bitch.
but i dont want to apologize and grovel cuz i dont think i'm wrong. my mother is an evil, spiteful bitch who is a control freak and i cant deal with that any longer. but i did enjoy seeing my sisters again, even though they are fair weather friends.
so i am all upset...my mum always gets to me, even though i know she is just evil...i want to kill myself everytime this happens, and that's what she wants cuz she is a classic case of muenchausen sydrome, but it doesnt matter that i know that.
i am just confused as to what to do...any advice would be appreciatied.
:x :x