the many ways to not cope (and some that are half decent)

[Theoretical Hero (NEO)]

i have four ways of coping with things if they become too hard...
1) i bottle it up, and wait untill it overflows and i just burst into tears over something, or hurt someone emotionally, and never tell them why i did it, thus making people think im a prick.

2)Smoke lots of drugs, i dont know why i do this, but somtimes i get so upset and i do number 1 so much, i just get stoned and worry about it later

3) i listen to sad music, such as staind and box car racer.
these two albums have a major place in my heart, as staind was played at dougs funeral, and when i listen to it, i just start crying and hating life
and box car racer, was the first cd that proved to me that someone else understands... i recommend buying it...
both of these cds make me sad, and generally suicidal, but i love the mucis so much, i keep listening to them.

4)I write... either poetry or to u guys. some of my poems can be found at Bec's website www.thrupaincomeshope.freeservers.com
she is saif messed up like me... my poems are by neo and anon.
i used to write poetry that rhymed, but when i read it back, it didnt seem personal, so now i just write freeverse, and let my sould burst onto the paper.
also writing to u guys, just helps... its nice to know that someone listens.
and paprika, dont worry about people not coming to your website, think of it this way, if u help someone, even in the slightest way, if u bring a smile or a tear to someones face, u can proudly say that u have accomplished a great thing. and trust me, u have made me smile, and cry :)

so yeah there u go guys... only 1 of the 4 things is any good, but i seem to do number1 alot...

[DantziJean]

These things are all very useful but I find that sometimes people just want to escape bad feelings and that only makes them worse...what you have described are escape methods (ie the music that only makes you think of you friend)...why not just feeling these feelings. Sit down and write them out, exactly and in every detail write what you are feeling. I find that when I do this it helps me release some of the feelings instead of running away from them.

And another thing...yes you need to mourn the loss of your friend and it's a horrible tragedy to loose someone so close to you, but please don't think about him like that. Celebrate his life, when you start to think of him instead of moping or poring it into a song or poem do something...talk to him. Write him a letter. It will make you feel better and the loss will not be so great. In time things will heal

[eiraena]

ok, today i am in a slightly more socialble mood...i just want to ask you something that will help me figure things out on my end here...do you believe in god? an after life? did your friend? he killed himself...did he believe suicide was a mortal sin?

if you dont want to tell me, thats fine...i know these are kind of wird questions, but it might help alot if i knew.

oh, and i didnt mean to imply that you were awhore or anything, just that playing the game is not a good way to maintain a stable relationship.

oh, and one more thing...coming from an ex-everything addict here, youre only smoking pot, right? cuz i dont think thats a problem, but you dont want to get into anyting heavier...pot can help soften the grieving process sometimes, but its not an excuse to ruin your life.

[Theoretical Hero (NEO)]

hey eri... (im too lazy to write the whole thing)
youre right, i only smoke a little pot every now and then...
and to answer your questions
1) i guess i believe there is something out there that is responsible for this mess called earth - i also believe he is resposible for making me so unhappy
2)I do believe in the after life... it differs on what i think it is sometimes...
sometimes i believe it is like the split second before waking up from a really good sleep... pure relaxation...
sometimes i think its just your mind floating around in a haze of questions, and complications... i dunno...
3) i dunno if her believed in god - think he thought the same sorta thing as me...