Why is it all so strange???

[Theoretical Hero (NEO)]

sigh,
im back with another emotional outburst.
If you have been reading my posts, you would have known that i have been having truble with a girl named ________, well anyway we broke up. It was my fault, i hurt her again, i told someone that i didnt really like her, but i did... i dont know why i did it but i did.
so anyway, i am sick of hurting her, so i wrote her a note, saying that i wanted her to move on with her life... i cried while i wrote it, cuz i dont want her to leave me...
and when she got it, she wrote back saying i was just trying to get out of it the easy way!
i dunno...
and now to make me even more depressed and lonley, someone hacked my hotmail addy, and changed my password, and all my contacts have been lost, and i dont know their email address so i cant tell them what happened :(
life sux, does it not!
i want to talk to someone

[Paprika]

Damn. You must had some wierd enemy if they hacked your Hotmail account. I never really depended on a service like hotmail anyway...Tooo Insecure and I get allot of SPAM there. Anyway, if they changed your password try using the 'I lost my password' form to retrive it. Maybe _______ hacked it as revenge for you breaking up with her and getting out of it the 'easy' way. What ya could do is make a new hotmail-passport account and then add your old email address to your contact list and see if it ever signs on - if so then just fuck em' up from there. One ability I have is to protect myself from the unneeded harshness of the opposite sex by trying my best not to talk to them. But anyway, even though you didn't want to give ______ up it was a good thing to do because it sounds to me like she was just a weight getting mad at you because your friend pasted away and you are un happy about it. How about visiting your friend's grave and leaving good-bye note there or some flowers.

[DantziJean]

okay first of all to deal with _______...I hate to take her side buddy but you did try to get out of it the easy way, you lied and you wrote it in a letter...it's the coward's way. If you really loved her you'd tell her the TRUTH and you'd say it to her face. Girls appreciated honesty and directness no matter how bad it is...she'll respect you for having the guts to say it to her face. If you don't want her to leave TELL HER. Things wouldn't be so nearly as complicated in a man's life if he never had to lie to the woman he was with...

[Paprika]

Oh, she got me.

[DantziJean]

LOL...seriously guys...don't lie to the woman. No matter how much you think you are going to hurt her by telling you the truth she won't hate you half as much. My boyfriend lied many times to me...to try and get out of it...the truth was he never really loved me...I can live with that...some of the lies he told me (ie--I'm just with you for the sex) were more then I could bear. ALWAYS tell her the truth. Even if you have to be brutal

[eiraena]

dear ben (i think that's right, sorry if its not)

ok, as the consortium conlcuded in my last response, _______ is not a good person for you right now. i have to agree with paprika, that i think she is an unnessary psychological burden for you right now. i have no idea how old you are, but _______ is acting liking a disgruntled 5 year old, and that isnt helping your stress-meter at all right now.

i am in one of my really blunt and tactless moods right now, so i'll just go ahead and say it. i think sarah is a bitch for the things she says and her insensitive and petty reactions, and so i think you should just lose her before she triggers a nervous breakdown that could have been avoided.

[Theoretical Hero (NEO)]

thanx for writing back guys...
first up, ______ aint a bitch as u put it... no offence was taken...
she wanted to help, but i just kept hurting her... it was slack on my behalf, but i just dont know why i did what i did...
on several occasions i chatted up girls, and attempted to get with them, but backing out at the end, becuase i remembered sarah...
and the last time, i actually dumped ________, and dated this girl... but i didnt like it anywhere as much as _________...
maybe im seeing how far i can get, i dont know...
one thing i did know is this.. thru all the time we went out, she never really told me she truley loved me... like yeah she sayd, ben, i love you, but i was expected to say i love u, in so many ways.. i dunno... i just needed to be told.. i dunno...
i want to face to face talk to her and tell her that i broke up with her cuz i didnt want to hurt her again... that hse deserves better than me...
but im scared...
DJ should i just be blunt like that??? or should i say something else?
and eri - in 16

[DantziJean]

Okay buddy...I'm going to give you some relationship advice that I learned the hard way...so please don't dismiss anything I say out of hand...

What you are feeling with the need to tell _______________ to go away is insecurity, you feel you are not deserving of her and that she could find someone better. My boyfriend of 3 years felt the same way the entire first year we were dating and I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him...yeah she could do better and maybe you don't deserve her but she doesn't want anything else. It doesn't matter if you think you are undeserving, what matters is that she thinks you are.

Secondly, another thing you are doing is putting ________ under a goddess-like image...I find many guys do this to the first serious girlfriend they have since you are sixteen I'm guessing this is your first serious relationship. We all have an idea to put our first loves on a pedestal and keep them their like some mystical diety to worship for all time. It doesn't work like that...you were very quick to defend _________ from Eireana, it was pracically the first line of your post. She is a person, with flaws and a temper. You need to see the good and the bad with a person. My ex only saw good in me and then one day he saw something he didn't like and from there on in all he saw were the bad traits in my personality and I didn't know it until it was too late. Take _________ off that pedestal and make her human the relationship will be better for it.

In regards to being blunt...don't tell her any of it. She will get angry and then will spend a lifetime convincing you that she wants you. You need to work on making yourself happy as well as her.

The reason you keep hurting her like this is A) you don't know her...that may sound dumb but hear me out. You have only known this woman who you believe is near perfect, you can't tell what makes her cry or what will hurt her because you only see the goddess and goddess don't feel pain but she does, she's human and has feelings that you need to be aware of. And B) You are quite selfish when it comes to a relationship. I have seen this in the way you go after these girls not telling them the truth about your feelings and seeing more then one girl at a time. You don't think of her only of yourself.

This sounds very twisted and if you need me to explain any more of this in more detail please e-mail me at phantom_lass@hotmail.com or you can send me a messege in here.

[eiraena]

dear neo,

oh, i'm glad you didnt take offense at my comment about sarah. d and i got in a big argument about how i phrased that. we concluded that i think ________ acts like a bitch when she does the 'dont feel that way' things. i dont know enough about her to decide if i think she is always a bitch. its just my nature to categorized everything for quick retrieval, but i do recategorize often.

k, i am still in a tactless mood. it takes too long to explain things in a cushy way.

if you love ________, or care about her more than anyone else, i.e. Bec, stop fucking around with other girls (literally or figuratively). how can you expect Sarah to be emotionally supportive for you when every time shit goes down you go running to some other girl? it doesnt matter how far you actually go when you try to hook up with someone else, cuz it sabotages sarah's trust in you. she isnt going to give you her heart if she thinks you are a do-her-and-dump-her pimp.

i am working purely on the basis that you reallly want to stay with _______ here. if you are still iffy about the commitment thing, then you need to stop leading sarah on about loving her...cuz love is the BIGGEST commitment. she could very well be pushing you for confirmation all the time cuz you've made her feel very insecure.

i know what it is like just to want someone to tell YOU that they love you...that security is the most cofmforting feeling in the world. but it is not right to ask for something that you cant give in return. i mean, would you want your mother to tell you she loved you if you hated her? love is a two way street, as is trust, which comes before love.

oh, one more piece of warning...plz dont take this wrong, i am just telling you this cuz i have seen it happen SO many times, and it never ends well.
you know how you said _________ freaks out and thinks she's pregnant every time you guys have sex? i'd be very careful in that arena if i were you. distraught and insecure women have a tendency to develope what i call the 'if i have a baby, he wont leave me' syndrome. if she were to decide that having a baby would keep you near her...well, i dont think you want that do you? so just make sure you're using birth control. i am the Family Planning Lady, so if you want any tips in that area, just let me know.

ps i like depressing music like that too, esp. staind. it helps to know someone else understands.